Something that has often taxed my mind is the responsibility christians have towards their families.
There is obviously a strong idolatry of family in our country and in our churches. The ‘needs’ of our children govern where we live, what school we send them to, what we spend our money on etc etc. rather than the gospel shaping and defining these things. We often use the phrase ‘I just want what’s best for my children’ when what we are really doing is teaching them that they are at the centre of the world and deserve a comfortable and successful life, at least in the world’s terms – which of course is not what’s best for them at all.
We end up teaching them the way of comfort rather than the way of sacrifice and so it is no wonder that we have a lack of gospel-centred leaders and sacrificial church planters in our country.
But how much should I ask my family to sacrifice and how much should I protect them? This is particularly pertinent for my family as we consider going to South Africa where there is a high rate of violent crime towards women and children.
At the Acts 29 Conference I was at over the past few days Scott Thomas talked about a decision he made not to go and plant a church at one point because his ‘children needed a father more than that city needed a church’. The utmost thing in his mind was to care for his family. Is this falling into the same idolatry as the world? I think not… but why…?
It was quite clear throughout this conference that Scott Thomas and the others at Acts 29 are gospel centred men, who have faith in God and so take risks and are extremely generous at cost to themselves and their families… They are not seeking comfort or ’success’ because they believe in a God who became flesh and died for us… so naturally this got me thinking…
Church planting is going to be difficult. There will be suffering. Your children may not be able to go to a ‘good school’, they may face physical threats and discomfort because of where they live. All part and parcel of gospel ministry according to Jesus. Surely if we are seeking to bring up our children as followers of Jesus and present our wives radiant reflecting Christ’s beauty then these are the things that we must face together as family. I presume then that these things were not what Scott was referring to in terms of ‘protecting’ the family.
As I thought about it and talked about it with my wife a distinction started to become clearer in my mind. I think many of us leaders, and me especially, see our ministry as our own. And so as I go off doing my own ministry my family will suffer neglect. I am then not taking my responsibility to my family seriously. I am in fact showing myself unfit to lead a church according to Paul in 1 Timothy and Titus. So if me church planting means that I am going to do this then I need to stop, turn round and sort out my household first. This is protecting the family in a gospel-centred way and is infact gospel centred as we take our responsibility seriously to love our wives as Christ loved the church.
But the suffering that comes as we enter church planting together, ministering together as a team, with gospel hearts and gospel priorities – this is a suffering that surely we need to face as a family together, for the sake of the gospel. It is in fact a suffering that will help my children and wife grow as we together share in the sufferings of Christ. Christ, in loving the church does not ‘protect’ her from suffering for his name – this is the means of growth for God’s people (James 1:2-4; 1 Peter 4:13). If this is not the case then no family will ever be involved in pioneer church planting, which I don’t find suggested anywhere in the Bible.
So the distinction is that suffering by neglect as I go off doing my church planting is in fact a disqualification of me for that task. However suffering as plant churches together, growing more like Christ as we share in his sufferings for the sake of the gospel is surely what we need to face and rejoice in.
These thoughts are by no means exhaustive or conclusive. I’d be very interested to hear other people’s thoughts and have your input.
5 comments
Comments feed for this article
June 12, 2009 at 8:36 am
Goblin
Hi Michael
Firstly, thanks for such an honest appraisal of your thinking.
A starting point for providing some input to what you have said would be to ask you to define exactly what you mean by the term ‘ministry’.
June 12, 2009 at 8:48 am
Michael
Hi Paul
I use the phrase ‘our own ministry’ in regard to the particular task of leading in this context – that is the ministry I’m involved in, whereas others are involved in other ministries – its simply a word referring to the way we use particular gifts in particular acts of service. In some senses this is no different to anyone else in a church – we’re all to use our gifts in whatever ‘ministry’ or service that suites.
What makes the situation that I’m talking about perhaps more acute is the pioneer context where you’re seeking to start something, rather than joining in with an existing gospel community. That will bring its own peculiar pressures, difficulties and struggles that need to be thought through…
June 12, 2009 at 10:11 am
Goblin
Hi Michael
I guess you hit on the point in the back of my mind which was that, although different people have different gifts, all are meant to be used in a similar way in building up the body of Christ. Surely that shouldn’t then put some individuals in a more pressurised or difficult situation than others such that their family life suffers or is neglected in some way?
I agree that the pioneer context is different because, by definition, you don’t immediately have the support network of brothers and sisters in the local church around you. That’s why I would always question the wisdom of the traditional single ‘missionary’ situation. I guess it can also be questionable whether a single small family should go into a pioneer context ‘alone’, but I guess it depends on the people in question and the location concerned.
Apart from the obvious issue of the lack of a functioning ‘body’ support network, I don’t see that much difference between church planting and ordinary day to day living for Christ in an ‘intentional’ way. Probably the best thing I’ve read recently on church planting is an article which I think is by Bill Lollar entitled ‘Planting a new church: like falling off a log’ and can be found at his blog http://www.thin-edge.org (sorry don’t know how to do direct links!). I think he says what I’m trying to convey, but much better than I can!
I guess the bottom line of what I’m trying to say is that if a particular ‘ministry’ or church planting situation is causing significantly bigger difficulties and struggles with family life, then there is possibly something fundamentally wrong with what is being expected of that person or what they are expecting of themselves.
Enjoy grace!
June 12, 2009 at 10:27 am
Michael
Thanks Paul
As you know I never would think of just a single family going into a pioneer context – that’s not how we do church planting at TCH.
However, not everyone is gifted to be a lead church planter (although everyone should be a church planter). There is a difference and God has equipped some to do it and not others.
In the post I was trying to make the point that there is a problem with the approach if the family is being neglected in church planting, rather than the church planting happening with them – see Matt Sprigg’s post.
I agree with you that church planting is about doing normal life with gospel intentionality. However not every situation is as physically safe as Sheffield. ‘Normal life’ is different in Soweto than it is in Yorkshire.
With regards to our thinking about South Africa I know of one church there where they discovered a decapitated body on the doorstep of the church building. And like I say in South Africa there is a lot of violent crime against women and children, including rape of babies. So, in this case there are peculiar pressures and difficulties facing a team, not only seeking to do pioneer planting, but to do so in this context. These need to be considered carefully and prayerfully, knowing that the gospel enables us to be generous, even with our lives and to take risks, trusting in our sovereign God.
June 12, 2009 at 11:02 am
Goblin
Hi Michael
I’m still working through my understanding of the role of ‘lead church planter’, which seems to be a bit of a mixture between the apostle/apostolic workers and local elders described in Acts.
Totally agree with you regarding the dangers of possible church planting in an environment like Soweto. Although I know you will rightly listen to everyone offering counsel, ultimately it is a decision that only you and Jo can make before the Lord between you. I don’t think it would be right for anyone to judge you either way whatever decision you finally make.
Thank you for the example you and Jo are to us all.